Restaurants to Avoid

I've always thought that restaurants are the Rodney Dangerfield of the service world. No respect for all those hard-working, overly stressed chefs, waiters, and the poor sap who has to wash the dishes.  Well, this episode is not doing these folks any favors. BakerMuse presents the 10  restaurants to avoid.  It begins with avoiding any restaurant whose mascot is the food you're eating. For example, the rotund pig brandishing a BBQ fork as if he will actually be partaking in pork and ham delights promised  by the menu. The accompanying full blog can be found at https://themartinbaker.com/bakermuse-humor/f/restaurants-to-avoid-a-bakermuse-exclusive

Bon appetit.,

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:11

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Speaker 2: 0:11

According to the data walks at Google. There are over 850,000 podcasts currently eating up our precious bandwidth. So does the world really need another podcast? Well, not really. After all, you have better things to do with your time. Like when did toss that salad spinner that was going to make your life so much easier, but as gathering dust under the sink or binge watching the reboot of punky Brewster. Well, I know I am, Oh, wait a minute. Maybe you do need another podcast. Well, here it is. I reluctantly introduced the Baker museum or podcast with your humble host, Marty Baker. This first podcast is brought to you as a public service. Now I've always thought that restaurants are the Rodney Dangerfield of the service world. No respect for the legions of hardworking chefs and staff. And according to the latest research about one in four close or change ownership within their first year of business over three years, that number rises to three and five. Now that number goes way up. If a waiter brings a chalkboard to your table and says the words farm to table two coonery or Asian Irish fusion, or a worse all three, fortunately the Baker muse department of culinary affairs has a duty to our listeners and has compiled a very handy list of restaurants to avoid. Number one, avoid any restaurant with a mascot is the food you're eating. Usually it's an overly large smiling pig wearing a puffy chef's hat and an apron. He's brandishing a barbecue instrument of some kind ego to thrust it into his brethren. This is the kind of pig that was routinely picked on in the sky. This is what we call the cannibals are us franchises. Number two, avoid any restaurant that looks like a garage sale. Now, would you clear out the center of your garage SOP up the oil drip and put a table in the center and serve dinner? Well, maybe not, but some restaurants plaster the walls with things you'd find at your local landfill like rusted signs for oil brands that no longer exist, or the fake sled from citizen Kane or badly framed posters of straight to video movies. Like the Olsen twins go to Barstow. Well, I would avoid those number three, avoid any restaurant that uses the N word. Yes. You heard me. These are the kind of eateries that aren't sure what's going to sell. So they strategically place the end in the middle. They have names like steak and brew, hog and grog or sardine and mercury number four, avoid any restaurant that involves impossible partnerships. These franchises typically have sister restaurants in Mexico, places like poncho and or Habiba tools. Yeah. I'll have that corn beef and cabbage falafel to go number five, avoid any restaurant with a celebrity connection. Yes, Kenny Rogers had his chicken empire, but we recommend you avoid anything that involves movie or TV stars. Eastern Zac Efron's house of hummus or little Wayne's shrimp, a Palooza, or the famous David Hasselhoff, YouTube burger chalet, number six, avoid any restaurant with an overly cute nautical theme like squid row with a rusty scupper. Generally these places find a rotting ship somewhere, dismantle it and stuff it into the fish setting on the ceiling. The farther from the actual ocean, the worst, the food fresh salmon from death Valley. I don't think so. Number seven, avoid any restaurant that uses a weird mammal theme who knows what these restaurant owners have been drinking. These are places with kind of mixed up themes like the sensuous skunk, the lactating lemur, or the crispy koala that often comes with a side of eucalyptus number eight, avoid any restaurant that is needlessly hip. These trendy bistros are so cool. They don't even have plates or silverware or even waiters. You have the privilege of paying just for showing up restaurants of this silk are usually named after the periodic table of elements like boron, zinc, or plutonium, number nine, avoid any restaurant that is supposedly in the Guinness book of world records. It's usually a simple name like Irving's followed by home of the world's largest bratwurst. If you eat one year, a picture goes on a giant wall of the other winners. Oddly enough, it's the same group that's on the heart bypass waiting list. Number 10, avoid any restaurant that has elevation in their name. Now you can go to Louise, but not upstairs at Louise. That little trip up the stairs will cost you an extra$32 and 50 cents. And if the restaurant has on top of a building, you might as well just hand over your bank account to the maitre D well, there are more restaurants to avoid, but I will just say Bon Appetit from your gastropub friends,

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